There's No Such Thing as an Unwanted Child

I moved to Arizona in August 1968. Some time early in 1970, I found myself "expecting." Unfortunately, I hadn't planned to be a mother, so you might say I found myself "unexpecting." I confessed this to my husband and to the father of the child (two different people), and did the right thing.  I offered to have an abortion.

The father of the child begged me not to do this. And my husband, a Catholic, agreed. It was nothing short of amazing. (Of course it was the aftermath of the 60s.) The husband agreed to divorce me and give me over to the lover. I still don't know how this happened, except that I have exceptional taste in men.

When the child's father insisted, I agreed to bear the child (the first he would have that was his own flesh and blood, because his two older children were adopted) under some stringent conditions for the time: he would have to assume half the responsibility for its upbringing, because I was going to continue my career path.  After all, I wasn't even out of my 20s, I had a Ph.D., and I was destined for academic stardom:-)

Several months later, newly divorced ( I think I signed the papers in the hospital), I delivered by natural childbirth a beautiful little girl.

I couldn't believe I had accomplished this feat. I marveled at the little feet and fingers, and changed my entire point of view. I loved this child. She transformed my life. I knew it almost immediately, and I nursed her for 18 months, almost until her little sister was born. (Yes, I knew once I had one child that I should have the second).

Fast forward many years.  She's a lawyer.  I'm an entrepreneur. I have vicious risk tolerance, which is why I was able to reverse direction and have her. She has very little, because she's been trained as a lawyer. Her child was planned.  And I mean planned.  She has been a model daughter in every way, and now she is a wife with a model family, insofar as life makes that possible.

We are now in a horrible recession. A senior citizen, I have badly timed my down cycle.  I've had several down cycles, but only one when I was over 65. This is it. I own a house in Half Moon Bay near her and near her sister.  We all live within five or six miles of each other, but only one of us is "under water" in her house -- me. I tried to live in two places at once, and when the music stopped I found myself working in one state and living in another.

I couldn't re-finance my house this year, and I couldn't afford to keep it. Facing financial ruin (if the banks pull my credit they ruin my business), I consulted with my family.

And here comes my transformative child, otherwise known as my "unwanted" child. Somehow she finds the courage to persuade her husband to rent my house from me for the winter while I go back to Phoenix to work, thereby saving me from financial ruin. Not only that, but she packs up and moves into my house shortly after having her own child -- my 8-month-old blessed grandchild, so hard to come by and so really really wanted.

How do I deserve such a child?  I will never get over my own good fortune. I made the right choice.I kept the baby. How lucky was that?